Improve Your Personality

Be a Good Listener

"Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is most important. Nothing else is so flattering as that." Most people fail to make a favourable impression on others because they do not listen attentively. Big men, who matter, prefer good listeners to good talkers. Everyone is dying to air his views, pour out his heart, talk about his problems, speak about his accomplishments, and share his sorrows and joys. Even a dumb or tongue-tied individual is eager to unburden himself. There is, therefore, a constant and pressing demand for sympathetic, sincere, enthusiastic and intelligent audience. When people talk about" themselves, their great need for self-importance is being satisfied. It helps them solve their problems, mitigate their distress and multiply their happiness.

Be Interested In Others

"Many persons call for a doctor when all they want is an audience." Next to their names, all people want to hear is their own, voices. When you want to create the right impact, when you want to influence and motivate others, you should encourage them to talk about themselves. Even the busiest individual, who charges thousands of rupees for each hour of his time, will readily spend hours talking to you, when you get him start talking about himself. There is literally no exception to this rule. To be interesting, you have to be interested. Ask questions. Draw him out. Make him talk about himself. Pay rapt attention. Never be impatient. Do not yawn. Do not interrupt. Do not tell him that you have heard it all before or that you knew about them long before, he learnt about.

You may know a lot more than the other person. That is very good, indeed, and you must do everything possible to get into the lead and stay in the lead. But never tell anyone that you are cleverer or smarter than he or she is. If you are really smart, you will not try to appear smarter than the other person. You should not give the impression that you are a. "know-all" and the other party is a nitwit. If you' can help it, avoid talking about yourself and your strong points. But it is different in an informal conversation. If at all you are made to talk about yourself, be brief, modest and tactful. Do not go about dotting the i's and crossing the t's. If you speak highly of yourself, others will conclude that you are boasting' and if you speak ill of yourself, they might believe it and spread it. Therefore, it is wiser not to talk about yourself.

There are a few sentences or phrases which at once set the other person talking. They are truly magic phrases or magic words. Ask 'anyone-your friend, teacher, wife, doctor, baker, boss, subordinate, servant, anybody- just what his opinion is on the subject he specialises in or claims superior knowledge. See how at once he feels elevated, how his eyes brighten, how he coughs importantly and proceeds to elucidate his opinion on the matter. "If you please”. ''May I ask you a favour?", "Can you kindly spare me a second?", or other such magic phrases at once get you a favourable response from the other person. To keep the conversation going just ask "And then what did you do?" And first watch how he proceeds to explain with renewed vigour, gusto and self-satisfaction. If you want to be regarded as a reputed and interesting conversationalist, if you want a royal and ready welcome from anyone and everyone, no matter at what time of day or night it might be, first remember to put this all important question: "And then what did you do?" or "And then what happened?"

Disraeli, the famous English statesman and favourite of the mighty Queen Victoria, was beset with two serious handicaps when he wanted to get the recognition from the British royalty and high society. He was nobody and his meteoric rise to fame and fortune had made• many extremely jealous. But very soon he was not only accepted but was in great demand. He became the most charming and sought-after person. His secret, which he himself wrote in his diary, was, "Don't talk too much. Never argue." Remember that you cannot learn when you are talking and your mouth is wide open. To hear and to learn more, you must keep your ears and eyes open, and not your mouth. The average individual wants to talk and not to listen. Hence, a good listener is most welcome, anywhere, anytime. If you listen, you have the advantage. If you speak, others have it. A fish dies with an open mouth and the frog attracts the snake, its mortal enemy, because of its constant croaking. When the great Einstein was approached to provide the mathematical equation for success, he said: "If 'A' represents success in life, the formula is 'A' equals 'X' plus 'Y' plus 'Z', 'X' being work and 'Y' being play." .

The impatient one could not wait, butted in and quipped, "And what does 'Z' stand for, Mr. Einstein?". "Z", the great scientist replied, "is keeping your mouth shut." You must, therefore, listen your way to success and not try to talk your way to it. If you listen your way in, you do not have to talk your way out. We have two ears and one mouth. We must, therefore, use our ears twice as much as our mouth. The person- you are talking to is one thousand times more interested in herself or herself than in you. That individual is bursting to talk about his hopes, wants, wishes, problems, achievements, family, friends, children, pets, possessions and what not. He has no time or inclination to listen to what you have to say unless it concerns him or affects him in some way. He is certainly not interested whether you become a leader or stay as follower. He is not bothered about your problems or what you want. His headache or tummy upset means more to him than the slaughtering of hundreds in Chechnya or perishing of thousands in Orissa cyclone, or an earthquake in Gujarat or Japan. A sprain in his wrist worries him more than floods in Bangladesh, bombing of Iraq or the volcanoes of Chile or killings in Palestine. You must remember this cardinal fact when you set out to motivate people and master the art of leadership.

Bragging about oneself

Listen again to what Disraeli says: “talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours”. Find out, therefore, his interests and lead him on to talk on those matters. Whenever you get the urge to talk, force yourself to listen. You can never impress people by bragging about yourself. If, on the other hand, you listen with interest, enthusiasm and imagination, the other person will wax eloquent about your greatness. When you listen attentively and eagerly, it makes others like you immediately. It creates such a nice and favourable impression of yourself on them. Since they must talk and air their views and discoveries, they will tell everyone what a great and wonderful chap you are. They will become the strongest champions of your case. Therefore, listen your way to leadership and success